hey hey. sudden inspiration to write/type.

i was listening to "way back into love"
and it kinda reminded me of myself.
coz haha. i havent been in love for a long long time.
like dry
hahha


listen to the lyrics.
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking from someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And I you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end (more)



for me i'm stuck in memories.
that first bump on the head.
that made me wonder for so long.
why did nth happen in the end?
maybe it was not meant to be.



old memories are beautiful arent they.

the qbe life?
the life in the pantry?

the fotos show all.
thank u wonderful ppl.
i do miss u guys.

hmmm. today is Good Friday
which means, last year, tomorrow,
was my rebirth, my Baptism.
it was the day i became known as "Jean Francine"


this Lent, i've been reflecting upon myself.
what has become of me after a whole year.
am i fufilling my mission at all.
365 days, sooo many changes, sooo many things have happened.
of coz, its always full of ups and downs.
i've met new ppl, lost old frens.
gained weight, loss weight, then gained all over again.
was touched and lost.
studied and worked.
soo many things.
and hey. i must thank God.
the thing is. i pray hard only when i need to.
and i feel quite guilty abt it.
coz God gives me what i pray for. and for me, i dun think i give enough back.
all i do is attend mass, confess, and pray for my results, my family, and things tt i want.
of coz, occassionally i pray for others.
but still, i feel this thing tt i dun do enuff.
yes, the charity work, is it enuff? i haven done as much as the other volunteers.
i have NO ministry. and i feel LOST.
jus like last night. i realli wanted to journey wif the Lord by going to the other churches and staying vigil.
but becoz i did not have a grp tt did that.
i didnt
so i'm truly disappointed with myself.


today is Fasting day. seriously, its the day i feel the most troubled.
becoz, everytime i fast. i cant help but "announce" to the world.
and i noe its not right.
and everytime,ash wednesday good friday, the passages would hit me.

haiyo. i need to be humble.
that is the bottom line.
Let me wash your feet.

oh shit.
i m destined to stay single and be alone.
why do i keep getting the wrong guys in my life.
u noe this sucks.
argh.......

finally. after two whole months of haitus. I"M BACK!!!!

and i'm out of shape.

i mean. seriously. ohohoh.
3 mths in QBE. and i'mn back to the pudgy self.
so sad.

i din realise the seriousness of it. until i saw my beach fotos today.
and i wanted to puke. realli so gross can....




i jus watched bring it on! for like the 15th time.
and it brought back memories of why i love cheer soo much in the first place.



now i am DETERMINED. i need exercise. get those abs. great legs and toned arms.
so i can rejoin the cheer leading squad.


hahahha. okok. tts all for now.




and u noe i cant stand the fact tt i'm fat. and round and pudgy... ughhh..